The recent news of the death of Whitney Houston and the ensuing media de luge have given me pause to consider the nature of personal responsibility and our cultural complicity in its general decline. Now, I'll be honest. The fact that I just finished reading a book about cultural narcissm,the fact that this is daily conversation with the teenagers in my household, and that I've never been a fan of Whitney Houston all contributed. Truthfully, I have never found her music to be anything but vocal gymnastics. Her talent is due all the respect she has been given. As an artist she never moved me. It's probably because I always found her insincere.
Any waste of life is a tragedy, but to whom much is given much is expected and she had too little expectation of herself. Too many have met their demise in planes trains and automobiles or succumbed to demons of hard fought lives to shed so many tears for someone who was given everything and wasted it. She was given the gift of extraordinary talent and beauty and born into the aristocracy of Motown. No one has ever been given a greater golden ticket. Perhaps being raised in the shadow of great women like Dionne Warwick and Aretha Franklin instilled a sense of entitlement that led her down her path of self destruction. Watching the Grammy's I'm reminded, that the likes of Paul McCartney, Bruce Sprinstein, even Joe Walsh who was notorious for his rockstar lifestyle have not only survived but are thriving as artists in their 60s and 70s. But again, self made artist who cut a path where there was none. Dave Grohl, almost 20 years after Kurt Cobain gave up, packed it in, and took his own life, is still keeping the faith and carry the torch calling for a new garage band revolution and will end up having more more success and influence than the Nirvana bonfire ever produced.
In the era of the 24/7 celebrity news cycle it seems as though all sense of personal responsibility has taken its leave along with manners, decorum, and good sense. I don't remember the last time I saw someone say "Yup that was a mess and its all my fault." In fact, its everything but my fault. A simple mantra in our home is that everyone that lives, has and will, is responsible for everything that happens to them between their first and last breathe. If you are standing in a field and get his by a meteor rock you are responsible because it is you who has to live (or not) with the consequences. If we are the worst parents on the planet our children are still responsible for the consequences because they have to walk in their skin, think their thoughts, and feel their feelings. This includes Mason. He is responsible for being autistic. It's not his fault. He didn't cause it and certainly didn't do anything to deserve it, but he does have to live with it no matter what any body else does for him or how much anyone fails him. Circumstances and experience frame and inform our perceptions and responses, but in the end they are incidental because we all have to live in ourselves with what we are given and what we experience.
We can honor, remember, and grieve for the Whitney Houstons of the world and we can continue to enjoy and appreciate the art they created. Unfortunately, though, her legacy is a fable- a cautionary tale- like so many before her and when the short wake of her passing has stilled others will continue to take control and responsibility for their destinies, create legacies worthy of their lives, and will be remembered for how they lived rather than how they died.
